Tolerance!?

I have a problem. I tend to judge people on their actions, non-actions and reactions. (And now my excuses start! lol) The way you act says a lot about the person you are, your values and your beliefs. Recently reading a post be Mental Xpress, I found that there are people out there that do this without much of a hesitation or without conscious thought to what they are really doing… (Yip- I’m being judgemental again! lol) I also read this post that speaks of Judgement in a total different perspective… very interesting read, and gave me lots to think about! So much so that I’m still processing it! lol…

JudgementalI tried to put my thoughts together about this in another post- flow– but I couldn’t quite get it all together… there still seems to be a “thorn in my side” regarding all this. This weekend I was being really judgemental because people’s actions and non-actions were affecting the ones I love the most in this world…

How could I not be judgemental???

How could I not wanna scream and shout at the injustice I saw happening to the ones I love- I love them so deeply that all I want is their happiness (like anyone else!) and so when others effect the happiness and peace of mind of my loved ones, being judgemental becomes uncontrollable!

“When you judge people you have no time to love them” –Mother Teresa

How in the world did she do it??

I then remembered that the happiness and peace of mind of the ones I love lie in their own hands… my getting worked up over other people’s rubbish isn’t going to return the comfort back to my loved ones… my stepping in and trying to change things isn’t going to help either. (^the toughest things to accept!!!)

WHY?

ToleranceIf I step in and try to change the way things are being done I am teaching my loved ones that in life there will be others to sort out your problems- It doesn’t empower them to stand up for themselves. Nor does it make them realise that they are worth better treatment.

We are each responsible for our own happiness and peace of mind. And my own happiness and peace of mind lies in empowering my loved ones to do what is needed so that no one will ever “walk all over them” again as well as tolerating that which they choose to accept for themselves.

“Tolerance implies a respect for another person, not because he is wrong or even because he is right, but because he is human.” –John Cogley Commonweal

I read an awesome post on tolerance in which it is defined as:

“Grace for those who are different.”

Love that definition! Sounds like something Mother Teresa would agree with… And maybe that is how she saw it…

We each have something to learn from the crap that happens to us… as do my loved ones…

Makes me think of emotional flexibility! But that’s a topic for another blog!

How do you tolerate? DO you tolerate? (or do you too judge others like me??)

(Photos courtesy of: 1- spokenstories.org , 2- foranyeyes.blogspot.com)

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6 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. potatosandwich
    Jun 13, 2011 @ 10:59:01

    Tolerance, one of the greatest human dilemma’s, you are damned if you do, damned if you don’t. Being judgemental is a human characteristic we cannot escape; we all do it, against colleagues, friends, people in the street. Sometimes our judgement can either make us less or more tolerant. I would say we are now well and truly embedded into a less tolerant society, even though we are being told to be more politically correct, it’s having an adverse affect.

    Tackle the two elements separately first:

    “Being Judgemental”– are you more judgemental based on the information you may have about someone or from first appearance? Logic would say that the latter assessment is not good, because you never really find out about that person. However, who are we to judge? But then surely judging is a good thing, because it helps us see right from wrong so we can make better informed decisions.
    Take an office meeting, two parties engaged in face to face discussions, the opposition “kicks off”, having a go at your team leader, who sits there, patiently. Do we therefore base our judgements on the fact that we have a weak team leader, who is not standing up for us? Or rather a cool, calculated team leader who will not get pulled into a shouting war that becomes counter-productive? What do we do? We wait to see a response, which may take longer and then make our judgements.
    In my opinion, it’s good to be judgemental, but as long as it’s fair and backed up with valid justification.

    “Tolerance” – If we want to be progressive in life, as a person, then we must appreciate that life gives us “so” many opportunities to increase our tolerance levels.

    Example >
    As a child, growing up: show tolerance and accept the constant advise (and often telling off) our parents dish out

    As an adult, still growing up: show tolerance to our friends, if they hurt us by mistake or on purpose.

    As a parent: show tolerance to our children (with extreme patience), because we were once children ourselves.

    As a human being: show tolerance to all, because we are all different, too different, however share a common characteristic, the ability to forgive.

    If you can’t show tolerance, you can’t be compassionate, if you can’t show compassion, you can’t forgive, then how different are you from those who have caused such pain in this world?

    Apologies, a bit long winded….have fun!

    Reply

    • Shil Rani
      Jun 13, 2011 @ 11:22:47

      Dont Apologise! I love long replies… gives me more of your insight, which makes me think! lol.. And boy, do i think a lot!

      Yes, I agree. It is fabulous that we are able to judge what is good and what is bad… In mind though that falls under discriminating between what is good and bad. (the only reason God gave us the power to disriminate- not against each other, but against what is bad- and thats a whole other topic!)
      I guess the part of being judgemental that I dont like in myself is that I get judgemental with family… and I dont want to be judging the ones I love. I simply want to love them. And I guess awareness of what I am doing will be the first step to simply accepting that they make choices that I dont like.

      I love the new aspect that you brought to my post- Forgiveness!!!! It is probaby the best thing to do- forgive those I am judging and the question of judging their actions falls away. (least for me it does) If one can forgive then one is not stuck in a rut of feeling crap and can actually then hold others higher so that they too may rise to a better place of living…

      Thanks!!! 🙂

      Reply

      • potatosandwich
        Jun 13, 2011 @ 11:49:39

        You can choose your friends, but not your family….therefore, you will be running around in circles re: judging your family. Why? because 9/10 you can’t change their mindset, so why bother.

        Take our culture for one, being Indian, family get-together’s often mean a round of politics, he said this, she said that, the moon is facing in that direction which must mean……(something)

        I have young nieces and nephews in my family, now growing up, I am, at present, very judgmental about how they are being brought up, it’s not heading in the right direction, what can I do? Nothing. I have stopped judging but pray that overtime, these kids engage with the right sort of people who will steer them clear of any trouble and that they themselves develop a caring attitude.

      • Shil Rani
        Jun 13, 2011 @ 12:29:57

        Lol.. too true! Get togethers or even living closely with family creates politics unlimited!!

        I too am judgemental about the way my nieces and nephews are being raised… one of the reasons I am jugdemental toward my family.. I do my best to be the best aunt for them so that whatever they are seeing/learning from me has a positive imapct on them and their lives… I have also learnt that my nieces and nephews have come into this life with their own lessons to learn and their parents are playing the role they were meant to…

  2. Heena Writes
    Jun 14, 2011 @ 00:17:28

    Wow!!! Fantastic blog and some deep and interesting replies… Here is my take on it…

    Firstly, we are in no position to judge! Everything that happens, is happening or will happen, is accurately occurring. We can not see the bigger picture… the laws of the universe and so accurate and favours no one! By us judging, we are judging the Universe, God, Source, Life Force …
    Secondly, if we don’t judge, we don’t have to tolerate! Tolerance is needed when we judging the person, not liking it, and tolerating it. No judgement… no need for tolerance!

    In any circumstance, no matter what circumstance…look at it without judgement and simply smile and say “mmm… interesting” or “fascinating”. Your state does not change or alter from feeling good and you are better able to relate with the people with love – be it family or friends!

    Family politics is not exclusive to Indians families! It happens with all nationalities and amongst friends. No. 1 cause… judgement!!! What is right and what is wrong??? And according to whom?? What is right for me could be totally wrong for you… and vice versa – so who is right and who is wrong? We are both right ! Do what makes you happy… do anything and everything to protect and maintain your happiness and feeling good! And then your feeling good and your happiness will be viral and spread to all those that come in touch with you! Without judgement you have love! Love will do much more good for your loved ones and the ones you are judging. Love will conquer all!

    Very interesting and insightful topic… Imagine what the world will be without judgement!

    You do not judge what is good and what is bad and then do what is good… You do what feels good and don’t do what feels bad – where does judgement come into that? It doesn’t feature!

    I know I have thrown a spanner in the works… Judging and tolerating are negative and low, not good feeling emotions!

    Reply

    • Shil Rani
      Jun 14, 2011 @ 09:20:39

      Thanks heaps for that!!!! some really awesome thoughts and insight… and yes, indeed, what is right and what is wrong??? Everyone is right in his/her own place… And totally loving “doing what feels good”- Following and trusting your deeper intuition which always knows the best for us!

      Though I dont think of tolerating the way you do… I dont see it as, “putting up” with the things you dont like… I dont see it as being negative at all… to me it means accepting the differences I have found in others around me… Kind of like saying “mmm… interesting” or “fascinating” and leaving them to be who they are… “grace for those who are different” ( http://foranyeyes.blogspot.com/2010/11/tolerance.html this link was in my post.. It kind of explains how I’d define Tolerance…)
      As for judging.. well my post was a huge enough sign that I think it creates a negative vibration…

      Thanks for reading and commenting… didnt think you would! 🙂

      Reply

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