Marriage & Weddings?!

This weekend we had a wedding in the family… so things were hectically busy and fun too! Recently I have been avoiding any and all matters regarding marriage, mostly ‘cause in Indian culture I am now of marrying age and I’ve had aunts, friends, sisters and even my mum trying to find me “The Perfect Match”… Not to mention proposals…

So when this wedding was coming up I was hesitant to really be a part of it… well, as life would have it, there was reason to the seeming madness!

Indian WeddingI think weddings are really special… I think that the moment when two people decide to spend their lives together is a WOW moment… though it’s not necessarily on the wedding day. I think that, for me, the emotion between the couple should be true and real… the rest is simply show for society and family…  I’m not too sure about the having it in the Indian style, whereby there are months and months of preparations, different prayers- days before the wedding, catering for all the family for each prayer or ceremony, all sorts of organizing for the gifts that ‘should’ be given and to whom, arranging decor, photographers, caterers, outfits for each different ceremony… the list goes on…

By the time you get to the wedding day, being the bride or groom, you have been through a whirlwind of emotions and stress because- family will be family, things do go wrong, people forget things, mishaps happen with food, you forget a tradition/custom and well,  basically not everything goes according to plan.

What is the point of getting married this way if by the time you’re taking your vows you want to be married and holidaying already?

Weddings!Is it worth it?

So much of time and money goes into one “Big Day”- Money that could be invested for your future as a couple and time that could be spent having an even longer honeymoon ; >

That’s what I thought before going for this wedding… Something changed my perspective… I’m not sure what.

Each prayer and ceremony has some type of symbolism… If the bride and groom actually know why they are following every custom and tradition it could be an awesome transition from being a couple to being married… But that’s just the thing- not many people (including me!!) really know the meanings and symbols behind everything they do.

Though I also realized that even when people don’t know the meanings behind it all, it kind of works out anyway…  because it is a huge emotional change- from living life totally independently to now sharing life with someone; and from being with your family constantly to now seeing them only occasionally as you start your own family, there is a type of loss as there is a gain…

And I’m guessing that all these ceremonies and customs are used more as an easy way out of experiencing all the change so intensely… it sort of softens the change.

Sacred MarriageThe one thing that changed my view point a bit was when they took the “seven vows”, it was quite awesome to see and I’m sure for them to experience too… If love is pure and true like Krsna and Radha, the ‘show’ isnt really needed… Maybe wanted, but  not needed… (Krsna and Radha shared a Divine love. Krsna was married to Rukmani but if ever Krsna’s name is taken it will be followed by Radha, and vise versa. Their love was pure- the love of a true devotee with the Lord. I cant even explain it in words, if you have ever felt love for a God form/ source/ universe, you’d know what I cant seem to express…)

So while I’m still pretty sure I’d prefer a court wedding and a big party after, I guess I get why people go all out to make it the “Big Day” of their lives… I guess, If love is pure and true like Krsna and Radha, the ‘show’ isn’t really needed… Maybe wanted, but  not needed…

What’s your opinion?

I simply had to add this:

Sonnet 116

Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth’s unknown, although his height be taken.
Love’s not Time’s fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle’s compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

                                            -William Shakespeare

(Pics Courtesy: Pic 1- ; Pic 2- Mine ; Pic 3- )


4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Hoo Sze Ling
    Nov 13, 2011 @ 15:32:36

    Weddings are just a show for people to watch, and the easiest part to dispense with. Couples should bear in mind that the real work begins after that … which is the marriage!


    • Shil Rani
      Nov 17, 2011 @ 08:00:23

      I totally agree! The wedding is the easy way to get into a marriage… the marriage needs constant work, trust and understanding… (and Im sure lots more too!) Thanks!


  2. renxkyoko
    Nov 16, 2011 @ 16:33:51

    Hello !

    I’m going to comment on the practical side….. what if the couple’s families are poor? Do their weddings get the same treatment ?

    Cheers !


    • Shil Rani
      Nov 17, 2011 @ 08:06:31

      Thanks for that comment.. It made me think for a while.. lol

      Have you ever been to an Indian wedding but intimately being a part of it?
      In India every single family starts saving money, (even the poor ones) from the time a girl child is born, just for the wedding day. I think that that type of mindset is what has carried through Indians all over that world… That weddings are something you do huge. (It is a generalization) There is a huge amount of importance placed on this one day, especially in India!
      (Im kind of feeling like going there just to research why! lol)

      Thanks! 🙂


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