Acknowledge Me!

Feel like I’ve done a bit of venting with this post…

So I’ve said before in one of my older posts that I don’t like being told what to do… and I think nobody does. When people are given a choice they tend to act more favourably to you and to the situation. Even if it’s an illusion of choice.

Having said that, this weekend has been quite a crazy one. (You’re thinking ‘which one of my days isn’t crazy’, right?! Lol) Well things have been topsy-turvy since Thursday…

Heart- wrenchingI’ve been pursuing a dream for the past 3 years and as anyone who has ever pursued a dream would know, it isn’t all ‘sunshine, lollipops and rainbows’, it’s tough and life has a way of giving you obstacles just to see how you make it an opportunity or how you learn a lesson that grows the person you are. (Actually, whether you are moving toward a dream or not, that (<–) is life!

This Thursday I got a heart wrenching blow from a very very important person in my heart and I’d have to say I handled it with the most positivity I could have ever mustered. And I let it all go.

We're talkingCome Friday, I had an interesting day, quite jolly… Only to come home and have my dad give me an earful because he had forgotten what Friday’s plans were… I was talking, he was talking (we may have been shouting) but neither of us were listening or hearing- So I stormed out, spent some time with friends where I felt un-needed (if there is such a thing) and then too handled it with positivity and let it go… Mostly ‘cause my dad was really being ridiculous and he knew it. And I think I was imagining my un-neededness.

On walks in my Saturday… I had a great time doing volunteer work! Awesome peace and heaps of significance- did my heart and soul good! Spent the rest of the day with my friends… finding that communication in any relationship is so important… sometimes is easier with some people and more difficult with others…

OpinionsI started this post talking about choice and being told what to do. Here’s why.

I was reminded this weekend of the times when my sister would always ask for my opinion but do what she wanted to do anyway. She’d ask, I’d give her my opinion and boom, it’s like she never heard me and went on to say, ‘I think I’ll just do blah blah blah’.

Now I know that when I gave my opinion it made things in her mind a lot clearer as to what she really wanted… I did help her gain clarity. Only I always felt like I was never heard. I wasn’t acknowledged, she never said “ok, yes, I hear you, I get you, I see, ” etc etc… And so I hated giving her my opinion because I felt like she never needed it.

Hear Me?These days when I don’t feel heard and it’s important, I repeat myself until I am heard. And if still, I am not heard- I shout. Yes, ok, I know shouting isn’t the best way to go about getting heard and I am actually saying, in the very same breath, that it does get the job done.

Now I can take all responsibility for hurting the feelings of others when I do shout and because I am not alone in the relationship I would expect the other person to take the responsibility for hearing me but not acknowledging me.

Maybe this is all a huge ego thing- maybe I do have a huge ego, I don’t know and frankly I don’t care. I have self-respect and if you have heard me but don’t care for what I’ve said, that’s fine. I can live with that. As long as you have acknowledged that you have heard me.

Acknowledge MeI think that when it comes to relationships people need and want to know that they do have their own standing in the relationship. If they don’t even feel heard, it reduces the feeling of significance that they have in that relationship.

When you feel like you haven’t been heard and you’re not very much significant and still have things to do with others, the illusion of choice is gone. It begins to feel like you’re being told what to do and how to think. And nobody likes that.

I’m not sure of my lesson in all of this yet, but I am sure there is one.

Have I been too judgemental in this post??

How often do you acknowledge the people you love…? The people you communicate with…?

 

 

 

(Pics Courtesy: Pic 1- sodahead.com ; Pic 2- knowitallnanna.wordpress.com ; Pic 3- zazzle.com ; Pic 4- thirdoptionmen.org  ; Pic 5- kasshokuookami.deviant.com )

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5 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Fun and Mental Unlimited
    Nov 27, 2011 @ 22:28:45

    Heya… Always good to vent, as pent up emotions do not serve you! It is healthy to shout every now and again to release and for relief! As long as it is not destructive or hurtful!
    OK, my take on this is that if you are looking for acknowledgement, wanting to be heard… you are seeking significance from others… is it not more empowering to have love and compassion and allow THEM to be who and what they are and YOU be who you are? What is the truth or the reality? You see the truth/ reality through your set of beliefs and values as are they. By you seeking acknowledgement – you are indirectly wanting them to agree with you – that you are right. I get that you say that you just want your opinion to be heard – they hear you, they didn’t close their ears to block out your voice. And therefore, they might not have listened to what you said at the time, BUT it HAS entered their subconscious and the seeds have been planted. Again it is the truth as you see it!

    Wanting to be Acknowledged, in my opinion-just my opinion, is ego… seeking significance from something. someone that you have no control over. Seek significance in more positive ways – like your volunteer work… that is far more empowering then acknowledgement from someone that have their own set of beliefs and values that they are operating from!

    Reply

  2. Shil Rani
    Nov 28, 2011 @ 07:43:21

    Heya! Thanks for the comment! 🙂

    I think that when you are shouting it is hurtful to the person on the receiving end… shouting cant be constructive unless you’re shouting into a space where there are no people…
    Maybe all I am looking for is significance. Maybe I do want to feel important in a relationship. Maybe all I want is to feel like I do matter to the other person in the relationship. Maybe I do want to feel like my voice has been heard. Maybe I do want to feel that I am really communicating with someone who is actually present to the conversation. Maybe it all is ego. Maybe it is all selfish. Maybe all I am doing is seeing things from my view and not the other persons view. I really truly don’t know.

    When coming from a place of love and compassion and allowing others to simply hear me and give no indication of acknowledgement leaves me assuming that they have heard me. So many times I have assumed people have heard me only to have them walk all over me. I must have said things time and time again with my ex, coming totally from love and compassion, allowing him to be who he was and I was being who I am… and I was never acknowledged. Life went on like I was never heard. If I don’t know that you have heard me how can I possibly be sure you have? Mind read?
    Sure, we can argue that he was a jerk and all I wanted was significance in that petty relationship… that relationship taught me to value the person I am. It has taught me self-respect and to the hugest extent it has taught me to stand up for myself.
    I know above I have only talked about opinions and those not being heard, I just think that acknowledgement goes deeper than that.

    I don’t think that I would indirectly want anyone to agree with me simply because I am seeking acknowledgement. People do whatever they want to do anyway, its their life to do so, I am not going to be at effect simply because you didn’t agree to my way of things. Life would be so boring if everyone did agree to my way of things and sometimes other peoples way of things end up being better…
    If you have asked for my opinion, be gracious enough to say you have heard it. Or don’t ask for it. Maybe that is egotistical?! Yoh I don’t know!?
    When opinions go unacknowledged it reduces the feeling of worth that your opinion has in the other persons eyes. (for me anyway). No one likes to feel that their opinion doesn’t matter. It matters, even if its not agreed upon. You’re in a relationship, if your say isn’t acknowledged, it creates disharmony.

    You know me, my parents… How different do you think things would have been if my mum told my dad, ‘ok, I still think we should do this…’? He was devoted to mum. If he felt heard, he would never have had a problem with doing things mum’s way. (again, my opinion) (Your ability to acknowledge others is the main reason you’re so good at convincing others to your point of view. You just do it so subconsciously, you don’t realize it.)
    I don’t want or need people close to me to listen to me, that would be ridiculous and boring! I do want them to hear me.

    Its like I said above, when you acknowledge people’s views and needs, the illusion of choice remains. When you begin to stop acknowledging them, everything feels as if its being dictated. And no one likes to be told what to do. (which is why no one ever feels like you told them what to do, you acknowledged them- in no way did you agree with their point, you brought them over to you view.. illusion of choice!)

    You know I have struggled with this for the longest time. Its been constantly said that I don’t stand up for myself…and I have never really seen it that way. (I go through it all with love and compassion and allow people to be who they are and I do what I most want to anyway.) It is only now that I am realizing that Its because I never feel like Ive ever been heard that I tend to not say much anyway. Has my dad ever heard? Have my sisters heard? True- I hardly say anything, the rare times I do, I go unacknowledged and assume I have been heard. We know how well that’s been going hey?

    Thank you so so so much for this comment! I cant tell you how much clearer you have made things for me! I know what my real issue is, and knowing the problem is halfway to solving it! 🙂 However whether its ego, significance or something else, I really don’t know. I do know I have an issue with not being heard or rather acknowledged…

    Reply

  3. Heena Patel
    Nov 30, 2011 @ 23:38:26

    Some very good points you make here… and I totally get where you are coming from!
    The thing that’s really popping out at me is this… and I could be wrong, so take with a pinch of salt. Lol
    When you look to be acknowledged… you are looking outside yourself to make yourself feel better – and I know that you know that only YOU can make YOU feel good. You do not have control on how people react or respond to you… and that means you can have something of gold to say – and it can go unheard – because they are not ready to hear what you say or they are too deep in their little world of self absorption etc… This should not effect your state. I get it we are only human – and so sometimes these things hurt us – if not this, other things. We work through it so that we feel good most of the time!
    And your point about not being heard and that you don’t say much because you are not acknowledged – WHEN DID YOU DECIDE THAT??? You have many valuable and insightful things to say – maybe they are not ready to hear it or their ego is too big – in that they know that you are making sense… yet, how can this little pip squeak understand this better then I do!
    Babe, you are putting limitations on yourself by wanting to be acknowledged or heard. So what if they don’t hear you!!! It is their issue! They will come round in their own time. YOU have much to give to this world – SHOUT IT OUT!!! the one’s that are ready – will definitely hear you and acknowledge you! The rest of them… they are not there yet!
    We all love to be heard and acknowledged… especially in close relationships – it feels as though they are not present for you, they don’t value you, you are not worthy….. Giving too much of your power away!!!
    Believe in your value and your worth and what you have come forth to be and accomplish and nothing else will matter.

    Huge hugs 🙂

    Reply

    • Shil Rani
      Dec 01, 2011 @ 14:50:02

      Yes. I agree. It is looking outside ones-self.
      Lol… Fab question! When did I decide that?! Lol… I get you… Think I need to just trust my gut, say what I want to say when it feels natural to… and be who I am… things will flow better.When it comes to voicing valuable or insightful information, I totally get that people who are tuned in will hear and acknowledge and people that are not, wont understand it.
      What I was trying to get across as well was that when it comes to simply communicating, I think that in close relationships, if people are not heard/acknowledged then they will or should find a way of being heard/acknowledged. When they are not, people they are relating with will find it very easy to walk all over them. Everyone has boundaries of how they do not want to ever be treated, and if their voices are not heard- a strong self-respect will get them out of that relationship and a weak self-respect will make them someones door-mat. And I guess people just have their lessons to learn.

      Hugs right back! 🙂

      Reply

  4. Heena Patel
    Dec 02, 2011 @ 00:06:41

    Absolutely!!! Self respect, self confidence, self worth!!!

    🙂

    Reply

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