Happy Happy? Or Zombie?

Creating Better Life!This week I discovered an amazingly awesome guy – Vishen Lakhiani, Finer Minds and Mind Valley on the internet. Totally awed by his work, his company ethic and the awesomeness that they are all creating!
During looking into all that I could possibly find on them, I registered myself for an online energy clearing session with Christie Marie Sheldon… Only to find that it was at my 4:00am! (Bummer!) I did intend to wake up and listen in, set my alarm and everything… But didn’t get up!

I have been finding it difficult to get myself out of bed for the past couple of days… This morning was no different…

Any who! Last night I started questioning myself, as to what area of my life I would want to get cleared out/unblocked… My insides were screaming “Love and Relationships” and the more logical part of me said “Career”.
Grander GoalNow, I totally understand why career. I want to be soaring and it feels like my business has just stopped crawling and is starting to learn how to walk… it hasn’t been easy this few years though I am so grateful for it all as I have learnt so much and have indeed grown to be so much more than I ever thought I would!

What I didn’t quite understand is why my insides were screaming “Love and Relationships”

I sorted out all my “stuff” when my relationship with my ex had ended- I’ve forgiven both him and myself and I’ve learnt some really valuable lessons about the person I am when in a relationship. Though I haven’t really had a relationship after that- so since 2008- and so I guessed that maybe there still is a blockage there…

Feel to the depthsBut what?

All the answers are within… Often we don’t want to really know what they are… It’s scary facing emotions that creep into your heart and make you feel to the depths of your soul…

And that’s just what happened last night. I’ve known for a while that I’m afraid of being hurt again but at the same time I know that regardless of what happens in a relationship I’ll be learning something through it- there is no way my personal growth will stop.

So what is it?

Petrifying (for me anyway) is the feeling that I’ll get lost again. In my last relationship I was totally absorbed in him. I never ever thought of myself. I understand that when one falls in love that you lose yourself in your love… it consumes you… It adds an amazing meaning and color to your life and it’s all yours to experience. It’s the opening of your heart, in the most fullest way, to love that takes you to cloud 9 and beyond. It’s the ultimate experience to have in this life!
Lost in loveThough, I think that all of that, can take on a very ugly face if the relationship isn’t empowering. My previous one wasn’t. It was stagnant. There was no growth. Neither as individuals nor as a couple. I lost myself in it. So much so that my mum called me a zombie and kept insisting that surely I must be low on some type of vitamin.

I was low on vitamin ME.

I’m beginning to feel like I have a very obsessive nature. I get totally into what excites me or what I’m passionate about or what makes me happy or what I love… so much so that I tend to forget myself.

And that’s what I’m so scared of.  I don’t want to lose myself again. It’s taken some really crappy stuff to get me to where I am now. I love my happy happy positive personality and I don’t ever want to lose it. Not the way I have before. I want to have an empowering relationship… One that won’t let me forget myself in that way.

Yip! I know, even as I sit here and write this, that I need to get over myself. I’m more aware of what I don’t want and hence so much clearer on what I do want… And it is for that very reason that there is no way that I will step into a disempowering relationship. I’ve learnt so much and have grown so much that it’s become impossible to let myself go all zombie again, lol! (I really am awesome at reframing hey! Lol)

Empowering Relationships

Are your relationships empowering? Do you both grow as individuals and as a couple? Would you say you’re happy happy or a zombie, living on some type of automatic?

“Isqk bina kya jeena yaaro? Isqk bina kya marna yaaro?” – Bollywood song, Movie Taal

-Translation, “What is living, without love? What is dying, without love?”

Live Your Dreams, Not just Life!

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4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. potatosandwich
    Dec 23, 2011 @ 10:06:08

    It is very difficult to grow as a person by yourself, hence I believe the reason why we enter into relationships is not just to find comfort, a companion, but also to learn as individuals to grow and help someone we love to grow and develop too. Relationships should not be about empowering but more about “developing, maturing, evolving”.

    Ask yourself, if a person is totally happy with their life, lifestyle, understanding, knowledge, power then why enter a relationship because those key aspects about your life will only suffer. Why? because you are now responsible for someone else’s well-being and development. When two people who have all the above aspects at 100% enter a relationship, they learn nothing about themselves or each other because they tend for nothing to stand in their way and feel no one else but themselves can offer empowerment and development. But we know no-one in life has it all, we need someone to help us reach that state of contemptness where possible.

    Have a Great Xmas Shilpa 🙂

    Reply

    • Shil Rani
      Dec 23, 2011 @ 10:28:37

      I think so too! We have relationships because they make us so much more of who we are and at the same time we help someone else be more of who they are… continuously growing and evolving into better than what we ever were before… For me empowering includes “developing, maturing, evolving” its like a flow on.

      I think that it is totally possible for someone to be happy with their life, lifestyle, understanding, knowledge, power and still enter a relationship to experience even more and from a different perspective, after all it is the contrast in life that helps us to grow… I think that these people learn even more about themselves if they are open to it…

      Guess that’s what I mean… relationships tend to have longer lives when both are open to each other and interested in each other to the extent that they empower each other to be more of who they are…

      Hugs! Have a FAB Christmas too! 🙂

      Reply

  2. Heena Patel
    Dec 23, 2011 @ 12:15:53

    Oh WOW! Yes, you have grown and evolved from the stagnant, disempowering past relationship! You will never realise or truly know how much until you enter another relationship… It is only through being in a relationship that you will experience all that you wanting to experience! Why are you giving fear the power over you? You will only concur the fear by entering another relationship, hell maybe a couple of relationships before you find the right one – and because of your growth and evolution and newly found awareness of your addictive nature – you will NOT lose yourself… you will become even more than who you are right now!
    It is because of that relationship that you embarked on this wonderful personal development journey! If it wasn’t for that relationship, you might not have experienced such growth and evolution!
    When you ask to be courageous, you don’t get courage – instead you get an adversity where you need to be courageous!
    I say… Jump in Shilpa! You have much to offer in a relationship and your partner will have much to teach you and challenge you for further growth…. you are now armed with so many tools to keep you from being a zombie again… besides you have ME watching out for you…
    Every relationship has it’s ups and downs – it’s the contrast that allows the couple to reach new heights in the relationship… and it is exciting and FUN to become even more individually and as a couple!

    Have a blast and go get ’em Tiger! 🙂

    Reply

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