Do we always need clarity?

Friendship- loving heartsI’m the type of person for whom friendships mean having an authentic connection, an evolving relationship through which we not only have crazy fun and interesting adventure but also deep and profoundly meaningful conversations. I always have much of myself invested into my friendships. I like to take them seriously and I feel that my friendships grow me in various ways.

Having said that- all the good, solid, really “real” friendships have arguments and disagreements. Through which we either agree to disagree or either one concedes the others point. Regardless, the foundation of friendship is such that with all our differences we recognize that this particular person brings an immeasurable value to our life that no one else can in the same way.

FriendshipI have had few friends in my life- friends being defined as those people with whom I have shared a kaleidoscope of moments of my life with, had meaningful and sometimes vulnerable conversations and those whom I have often socialized with. These group of people are not many (about 7 to 10 people).

While I don’t know if the larger population out there have this many close friends or many more- it often feels that my list of these friends is not very many at all. Especially since they have come and gone from my life at different times- such that I have only had 2/3 friends at any one point in time in my life. Many of these friends I am not close with any more and currently I have 2 really close friends (and one is my boyfriend and I’m not sure if that counts in this).

True FriendshipNow here’s the juicy point of all this. Each time that I have drifted from a friend it was due to the too different way we were growing. The differences between us were far more than ever before and the connection seemed to dwindle. Or the reason was that the physical distance made maintaining the friendship difficult (some friends seem to manage with the distance and are still as close as ever- others can’t seem to do the same).

However- and this is that however that has bothered me – mostly because of how much I value my friendships- there are friends that no matter how much you try to connect and to be there for them, the friendship diminishes and you are in separate galaxies from one another. The reason that this bothers me is because at first we are awesome friends and we connect and have amazingly deep conversations and then, all of a sudden they have become strangers, aliens. No matter the various ways you try to reconnect and be those same- if not better- friends, the response just doesn’t come back. It’s like calling out into a dark vacuum and not even hearing the reverberation of your own voice because there is nothing there to reverberate off.

Once friendsIt does a strange thing to one’s self esteem. I wondered if I had in some crazy way offended them or hurt them. But now there is no way of truly knowing.

Yet I find myself grateful. Grateful to have had those friendships at all. It made a difference to who I am. And while I may not understand it now- the day will come when I will see a grander picture and have clarity.

Maybe my lesson in all this is that sometimes you don’t need to have clarity. You just need to be you in the best way. The clarity comes in its own time- as does much in life. Maybe it’s a lesson on faith.Clarity


4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Neena Rama
    Jan 13, 2015 @ 10:13:42

    This blog left me with a sore heart….it’s a familiar space, and an interesting question. It is this unresolved stuff that eats away at peace and contentment. Whether we want clarity or not, some relationships will remain unresolved…..and one then finds peace with that over time. It’s very much an internal process of letting go, and it usually has little to do with the other person, and this letting go cannot be forced……it happens over time. We need, sometimes, to catch up with ourselves and grow and shift and move through life……then WE change, our perspective changes, and letting go happens.


    • Shilpa
      Mar 23, 2015 @ 18:40:50

      Yes! Totally agree.
      Also just need to get to the place of forgiveness.
      Will get there. Life. Moves us when we don’t even realise it.

      Thank you!


  2. Heena Patel
    Jan 14, 2015 @ 02:30:34

    People come into your life for a moment, a little while or a lifetime …
    To teach you, to learn from … to become who we must for the next phase in our lives. This is true for friendships as well as liaisons with the not so friendly. Whether it’s brief or for a lifetime it is valuable none the less.

    Understanding this makes it easier to allow them the freedom to drift off and live their lives having been touched by you – leaving you free to live yours having been touched by them. And you now get meet new people, build new friendships and have deep and meaningfuls with someone new with a new perspective and take on life ….


    • Shilpa
      Mar 23, 2015 @ 18:37:31

      Yes! Yes! Yes!
      Just takes time to get there- to move from it… to let it go.
      There was an investment, an emotional one. So will definitely get there.
      Time heals everything.

      Thank you!


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