Weddings & Marriage. No Joke.

With my wedding date set, I have just over a year to plan and prepare for the big day.

Seems like a lot of time. It most likely is. I have seen a really nice wedding pulled off with only 2 weeks of preparation. So over a year is more than enough time to have an awesome day with many memories. Not a perfect day because things will go very wrong and that’s ok. At the end of the day, we will be married and really, that’s all that matters.

I remember so little from my sister’s wedding. Everything is a blur because we were so busy doing things to make sure that everything on her big day ran smoothly. There were many hiccups and strangely I remember those more than the great moments we probably had.

It all felt so rushed and that is most likely because I was stressed. We all were. There are so many things to think about, to plan for and we had to be creative when problems arose.

Here’s to hoping my wedding day will be less of the above and more of moments that are beautiful, sweet and happy.

Grand weddingMy real worries however have nothing to do with the “big day” and more to do with the process to get there and beyond this one day. Yes, we want to get married. Yes, we love each other. Yes, we want to spend our lives together. It’s all very definite and we know that this is the next step for us.

Aannnd, there is also another side to it.

Yes, we (and when I say ‘we’ I mean me) are not completely ready to be married. It’s a journey for our relationship too, to get to the place where being married is the norm of our relationship.

Wedding MoneyYes, it’s going to cost us lots and lots and lots of money (did I mention a copious amount of money) to just get married. Yes, we don’t have all of the money to do this. Yes, we think we could use the money for better things. Why are things so expensive? Why do we like things so much?

Yes, we are not sure what living together 24/7 is like. Yes, we do have fears of what life will be like after we get married. Yes, we are slightly afraid and excited. Sometimes I wish that we had a slightly more western upbringing so we could have lived together before getting married. We could know what that was like and getting married would be less like stepping into the “unknown”.

Yes, I am changing my home and invading all his comfort zones at his home. We have no idea how well we will ‘adjust’ to this.Uncertainty

Yes, there are still many important decisions we haven’t seriously talked about.

That’s all uncertain and it’s no piece of cake. It requires deep questions and understanding and patience and conversations and time and thinking.

Yes it is part of life, learning and growing. None of it will be easy and straight forward. I totally get all that positive aspects of all this. It doesn’t change the confrontation of it.

It would be so nice if all the older generations would think of their own before marriage and just married lives before asking the millions of questions like, “When are you getting married?”, “Have yAunts sometimesou set a date?” “What will you wear?” “Where is the wedding?”, “Maybe have it at X place”, “Have you thought about X?”, “Will you change your surname?” “Do this, do that, it will make the wedding so nice”, “I’ve got quotes”, I know a person who does X”.

It would be so pleasant if instead they all just left you to live your life, at your own pace, with your own ideas. There is already so much going on, take a break aunty.

Weddings and Marriage is no joke. Even when you are madly in love and this is the next step.

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3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Neena Rama
    Aug 27, 2015 @ 08:19:03

    You are quite correct in understanding that the wedding is only a stepping stone. It’s life after the big day that your focus is, rightly so.

    Yes there are many adjustments and compromises there, and no amount of planning can forestall the actual experience. You will take it a day at a time, a conversation at a time. You will find your own voice in a new space. You will find what you are willing to compromise on, and what not. You will find and define your own boundaries……..It’s a further extension into growing up and being a man/ woman. Marriage does all this. Yours is the choice at every step, whether to embrace it fully, or not. Ups and downs are the definition of Life.

    A life together will be what you two make it.

    It will take on average 2 years to find and define a together space emotionally that feels comfortable. It does take time.

    Just as the aunties want the wedding planning as the focus, just so you 2 need to understand that you will need lots of love and support through those first 2 years of an explosion of new experiences and growth.
    For my part I want to make myself fully available for you, all us sisters are here for you……you need only be present my dear, in your “new” life, and revel in the experience of it, all of it; you have the love and support as you travel this exciting road.

    Because you are loved and supported, you will be wonderful and fine.
    We are here for you, do remember that.

    Love you.

    Reply

    • Shilpa
      Dec 03, 2015 @ 08:46:05

      Thank you. Yes, a step at a time and the choice of what I want to do- embrace it or challenge it or accept it..

      Thank you for being here for me- always. Life would really be so much more intimidating if I didnt have you and Beeni and Didi.. Thank you.

      Reply

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