Your Wedding Day? They Lied to You.

This getting married process is so shitty and complicated. And not because the bride and groom have relationship problems, cold feet, commitment issues or life crisis’s. No, it’s shitty because we are Indians who have been westernized to have dreams and aspirations that do not match with what culture would one day demand.

Indian WeddingAs bride and groom, we don’t believe in auspicious months, dates and times. We don’t believe that one ritual for the groom must happen before the bride can have the same ritual. We don’t believe in fasting or praying at a temple.

Our culture and day to day life has seldom taught us these things. Our spirituality lies in being good people more than at the doors of a temple.
Yet when we do not conform to said cultural norms and expectations and we don’t actually want to do those rituals in that specific way- it’s a problem.

No- then we are offending God and not actually going to start our marriage at the right time.


God just has these rules for us Indians and not for Zulu, Christian, Buddhist and Jewish people. No. No. God has different rules and regulations for them.

Actually that is not true. The Indian priest clarified that an auspicious month was not in scriptures. A ritual for the groom before the bride is not in the scriptures.

Even after a “man of God” said that what you think is not religiously valid- you still chose to believe otherwise- ey, there is no hope for you. Or more importantly there is no hope for me.Bride to be

So now I must change what I want because it does not fit in with your beliefs. Why couldn’t I just be born English? I can be rude and abrupt and get what I want and that is a cultural norm.
Instead, I am a good Indian person that has come to understand your beliefs and is making space for them in my life. On my wedding day. My day.

That is why this wedding thing is so shitty and complicated. The bride and groom mind everyone’s feelings but their own. We find solace in the fact that we are in this together.

People lied to you when they told you that your wedding day is your day. My friend, your wedding day is not your day. It never was. It never will be.

It is that day when your collective parents decide it is the right day and the right time to do this. It is the day when all your aunts’ opinions have been taken into consideration and arrangements made in line with that. It’s that day when your mother knows more people there than you do. It is the day when you won’t be eating what you wanted to for the wedded meal. It’s the day when you may not even be wearing the clothes you wanted.

This day my friend, is not your day. The sooner you make your peace with that, the sooner you will not see anything as shitty, and it will all just be process.



2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Neena Rama
    Dec 10, 2015 @ 13:42:03

    Eish! Well said! You hit the nail on the head as to the fundamental issue: We are westernized Indians, and there are different layers of modernity that operate in everyone around us from previous generations, and our own generation.

    Our beliefs rarely change with time, even when we give the lip service that they have. What lives in the heart is different from what comes from the lips.

    It is a tricky thing to navigate.

    But seeing what lies in front of you, excusing the unintended pun there, definately helps in journeying through this maze of emotion.

    Thank you for this piece of writing. It is raw honesty, and therefore also very entertaining in the reading just for the shear reality of this Truth.

    I almost want to go Charmed and say “Blessed Be” :D.


  2. Neena Rama
    Dec 10, 2015 @ 13:56:44

    Having said that, there is a spiritual experience in the process, the actual getting married….
    The getting dressed, the seeing each other, the ceremony, just that whole process.
    It can be very special, and your very own experience, private and personal.

    Within this milieu, you have the possibility and opportunity to create the special memories and moments. The day might not be entirely yours, and our loved one’s share in our day and perhaps they are entitled to that, having been there for us; but the moments are ours to define as we wish.

    It’s the hands touching, the secret private conversations, the shared glances, these are all the private gifts you two share.

    Food for thought.


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