I am Right? That’s not the Point.

You know that space when you get into a discussion and you just know that your points and perspectives are valid and relevant and you need to be heard and something needs to change? What you are passionately arguing about is logical and it will be best for everyone to just listen to you and get with the program already.

Have you ever been in that space?

I am often in that space inside my head with the many voices and perspectives that I think others will come to me with.
And sometimes I am in that situation with actual people.

What happens after the conversation?
What happens after all the points and perspectives are put out there?ZitsArguing
How is it decided what the action to create the change will be?
What happens if you are not the one that needs to make a change but the other person needs to do something? Pull up their socks.

That’s rich right?

Every personal development specialist out there is saying, “That’s exactly it! There is something you can do. You are just not willing to be open to it because you want to blame someone else for the issue. Someone else needs to be the cause for all that’s not quite right or good. You don’t want to take responsibility for your part in this.

Now… What?

I’ve had my rant and rave. I have acknowledged that maybe it’s me that needs to do something.

I don’t know what to do.

Anyone else ever get to here?

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Neena Rama
    Mar 11, 2016 @ 06:54:38

    In my experience, it not ever just one sided, ever. It is always a relationship between people, or things. It’s called the “inbetween”.

    Once you have voiced your feelings on the matter, it sets you free to open yourself to receive more….then you are free to change your position too. Unless you speak, you cannot be set free. It is not relevant whether your stand point is correct or not. At that time, it is correct for you. After the words have been set free, you have room to look at the situation afresh. If you change your mind, then decide what part of that is relevant to share, or clarify or apologize. That is relationship: Honouring yourself and the other. We tend to forget ourselves, and abandon ourselves.

    The KEY is Self-Confidence & Self-Esteem, and above all Self-Knowledge.
    When we don’t feel worthy, and don’t know ourselves well, it is very difficult to engage authentically in relationships. Pain and confusion is the fruit.

    To illustrate, it is important to speak that which you feel,as best you can. If you are heard, great. The person opposite you is open to listen. If you are not heard, it is probably one of two places to look: Within yourself, and then the relation with the “other”.

    Sometimes we hold onto a belief that what we feel and say does not matter. In a relationship, this inner ground is what gets responded to. You find yourself fighting to be heard. Other times, the choice to speak in the particular situation has to be decided. In a closed space, it will not be easy to be heard and make an impact. The choice is to speak regardless, or to hold your tongue. Here, your motives need to be clear.

    I believe Mandela would say that in a closed space that is unjust, just one voice can make a difference. It might not be immediate, but eventually it can lead to a revolution. It is up to us to decide where our responsibility lies.

    At this point in time, this is how I feel in relation to this topic :).

    Reply

  2. Neena Rama
    May 27, 2016 @ 08:20:49

    Hello Shilpa I recently discovered that the need to be right comes from a feeling of inadequacy, of not being enough, or good enough. So being wrong makes you feel like a bad person. So you defend your position “to the death”. The need for perfection comes from the same place. Then the conversation gets heated because there is underlying issues not related to the converstion. The exchange is personal, and defensive, rather than a healthy exchange of ideas. The need to be heard also comes from a feeling that “I am not heard” from childhood, when we were very little and not heard. This is when what you are saying becomes super important to you because you feel no one is listening. Here again, one gets stuck, and cannot flow with the converstion because something unrelated underlies the conversation robbing us of the freedom to flow. I think I said this in different words before, but not with this clarity. Mwah!

    Warm regards,

    Neena Rama Geffen DCW-Diamond Grader Tel: +27 (0)11 334 7220

    _____

    Reply

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