Heartbreak.. the Pain we Inflict Upon Ourselves…

I have suffered 2 heartbreaks in my life..

The first heartbreak- I throughly thought that it was not something I created.. it was not my fault.. I did nothing to bring that kind of pain into my heart and life.

My second heartbreak was, unfortunately, all my own doing. I accept it. I know it deep down that I broke my own heart. It’s terrible to accept.. and there’s no want to move on.

HeartBreak Via Google Images

Via Google Images

The first…
I was young and stupid. Like most young girls.. it was a guy who tore my heart apart. I thought that he was the reason for the zombie-like person I became. I allowed a single person to be my everything to the point  that any form of rejection from him brought my whole life to a standstill. It caused me to question everything about myself and the way I was showing up in life.
I didn’t have any boundaries and my self-respect was pathetic.. I let him walk all over me.

This led to my heartbreak… I was so invested in something that in actual fact was no good for me. I thought I was in love, the kind that is once in a lifetime.

I was young and so stupid.
After I broke up with him, I didn’t know what to do with myself because my whole identity had revolved around him. I thought about suicide, I thought that I would never be  happy again, I thought that there was no reason to live this life. I  became the living dead. And I cried and cried because I believed my happiness was with him.. and I was without him..

My heart was gone but my body lived on.

However, I pulled myself out of that ridiculous thinking. My happiness is in my own hands. I chose to be who I want to be. The relationship was toxic and it was for my own good that I was no longer in it.
It shattered my assumptions that this must be love. For that was  not love. Love is kind. Love doesn’t intentionally hurt. Love is pure, honest and true.

It was never love, but I only knew and understood that after I grew a healthy self-respect and established what was ok for me, and what was a complete no-no ; I learnt what boundaries are.

The second…

I asked for my heartbreak. I asked for the separation.

My work place, enke: Make Your Mark, is my home away from home. My colleagues are my family. They are my support and love. I have spent 4 years with extraordinary people and they have loved me, supported me, encouraged me to be more of myself and to grow to exceed my own expectations.

PersonalPic

Via Instagram

These 4 years have been like a roller coaster.. We’ve had so many plot twists, we hardly get surprised at new ones anymore. We have stuck together and made each other stronger with every obstacle we chased. We laughed, pranked and made jokes almost every day. We discussed, in all seriousness, the issues of the country and mankind globally. We have had moving conversations about the gods of many different religions. We advised each other on our intimate relationships and we were there together in celebration and grief. We ate together every day and we shared food, experiences and love. We worked extremely hard together to create positive change for the youth across South Africa. We have been dedicated and inspired.

In these 4 years, I got a degree, lost my dad and got married. Three huge life changing events and my incredible family was there with me in each moment.
These are the people that have shown me the meaning of humanity.

 

HeartBreak

Via Instagram

And for a change of career I decided to leave, I decided to rip out parts of my heart and leave it behind.
What is really more valuable? A career? Or the depth of relationships we share?
At the end of the day, the main idea is to earn money so as to live. We dont take any of that money when we die. we take nothing. we leave a mark behind. and that is all.

 

To live a life that makes you feel happy, loved, supported and in just the right place is priceless. This was my life at enke.

Now to create that space in my new career…

 

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