Heartbreak.. the Pain we Inflict Upon Ourselves…

I have suffered 2 heartbreaks in my life..

The first heartbreak- I throughly thought that it was not something I created.. it was not my fault.. I did nothing to bring that kind of pain into my heart and life.

My second heartbreak was, unfortunately, all my own doing. I accept it. I know it deep down that I broke my own heart. It’s terrible to accept.. and there’s no want to move on.

HeartBreak Via Google Images

Via Google Images

The first…
I was young and stupid. Like most young girls.. it was a guy who tore my heart apart. I thought that he was the reason for the zombie-like person I became. I allowed a single person to be my everything to the point  that any form of rejection from him brought my whole life to a standstill. It caused me to question everything about myself and the way I was showing up in life.
I didn’t have any boundaries and my self-respect was pathetic.. I let him walk all over me. More


Hypothyroidism- The Cruel Insider

HypothyroidMomGod I am so sick of being somewhat sick!

It’s so irritating to be so. To have brain fog and unable to remember exactly what happened during a stressful time (exams) and then to “surface” days later realizing that I left l my life and when I got back, everything is so surreal. Like really, this is what and who is in my life.
I can’t even begin to explain what this is cos I barely understand it myself. More

Frozen Moments… (42)

[I’ve found that I can’t post my huge thoughts as often as I’d like- though I still have all my creative juices flowing… So I’ve decided to do short posts of  “Frozen Moments” of all types of emotions- at the moment its been emotions around relationships, love, and the beginning of something new. I am also writing this with future plans to include some of them into my book…]

My brain is often addled..
It’s a mix between clarity,
And brain fog

Love has always seemed,
To be the fogging factor.
Making us blind to everything,
Except the dreams we wish were true.

Yet in moments of this love,
Nothing is foggy.
It’s clarity.
This is all there is.
This is all that is truly real.

Love moments are like words,
Waiting to be read.
Simple clarity is like music,
Waiting to be experienced.
And addled brain is like water,
Waiting to be calmed.

The transporter to dimensions beyond fathom…
The cure to the deepest longing…
The moments I ache to freeze,
To experience forever…
To live it now.. always..


I am Right? That’s not the Point.

You know that space when you get into a discussion and you just know that your points and perspectives are valid and relevant and you need to be heard and something needs to change? What you are passionately arguing about is logical and it will be best for everyone to just listen to you and get with the program already.

Have you ever been in that space?

I am often in that space inside my head with the many voices and perspectives that I think others will come to me with.
And sometimes I am in that situation with actual people.

What happens after the conversation?
What happens after all the points and perspectives are put out there?ZitsArguing

Do people ever belong?

I struggle with belonging. I have wanted to belong to something bigger than myself for the longest time. And every now and then, this belonging thing pops up- mostly when I feel like I don’t belong in a space that I really want to belong in.

In Abraham Maslow’s theory on the hierarchy of human needs, belongingness and love needs are third after safety and physiological needs. By complete generalization, as a human race we have a need to belong. And maybe that is why we have such problems with race.Maslow's Hierarchy of needs

Any way.
The most vivid memory of “not-belongingness” in my childhood is my 13th birthday. I had never had a party or really hugely celebrated my birthday until that year. I was excited beyond words to have my friends over and have fun with them. I invited everyone from the afternoon school that I went to- the school where I learnt 2 languages: Gujarati and Hindi. In SBSM (the school) I was a grade higher than I was in the normal English government school. I always wanted to be a part of their community. I wanted to belong- to be one of them.

The day of my party- I sat calling all these friends… because no one came. More

Your Wedding Day? They Lied to You.

This getting married process is so shitty and complicated. And not because the bride and groom have relationship problems, cold feet, commitment issues or life crisis’s. No, it’s shitty because we are Indians who have been westernized to have dreams and aspirations that do not match with what culture would one day demand.

Indian WeddingAs bride and groom, we don’t believe in auspicious months, dates and times. We don’t believe that one ritual for the groom must happen before the bride can have the same ritual. We don’t believe in fasting or praying at a temple.

Our culture and day to day life has seldom taught us these things. Our spirituality lies in being good people more than at the doors of a temple.
Yet when we do not conform to said cultural norms and expectations and we don’t actually want to do those rituals in that specific way- it’s a problem. More

Let. It. Go.

Letting go. Why do we all struggle with it so much? Everything is just so difficult to let go- even when we have no choice. Even when the choice is ours. It’s a difficult struggle.

We get attached to stuff, the outcome, the way we want it, the way we perceive it, the way we thought it would be. All of it. We are attached to what our minds create- the images and sensations.

People in general hate being told what to do. It robs us of choice. It robs us or our perception of freedom and control. Letting go whether or not by choice, is the same. It’s a circumstance or person or life that is telling us what to do- because the way we want it- well, that just aint going to happen. More

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